Upcoming series of posts: The Five Fingers of Self Defense

I apologize for the long break. I returned to Chicago recently from my travels in India and have needed some time to get re-settled and re-adjusted to living in the States. This break has been good for me, as I was starting to struggle with potential topics for future posts. Over the past month or so I have spent a lot of time reflecting on this blog—where it began, where it is going, what I have accomplished and what I hope to accomplish with it in the future. I am humbled by the support so many of you have given me (in-person and electronically) over the past month or so since this blog has become more widely circulated. The many conversations I have had with others about this blog and about the Self-Defense work I did in India have encouraged me to continue to be active in this work even while in Chicago, and have inspired me in new directions. My karate school in Chicago, where I serve as an assistant in the Violence Prevention program has been eager to hear about the work I did abroad. It occurred to me that since many of you following this blog may have only recently joined this conversation, some of you similarly may be interested to learn more about the Self-Defense work I did in India as well. I wrote a detailed summary about this work  for the May issue of my dojo’s bi-monthly newsletter, Kiai!, which I share here for your perusal. I also wrote an article for the December 2012 issue of Kiai! as well, reflecting on one of my experiences teaching Self-Defense in Sarnath. 

But now for something completely different. I wrote this post to introduce a new series of entries I am currently working on.  Rather than bog down the first entry in the series with a long introduction, I decided that the introduction of this concept deserved a post of it’s own. I’ve wanted for a while to share some of the insights I gained from teaching Self-Defense in India, and from talking with various women (Indians and foreign female travelers) about their experiences. I also want this blog to serve as a medium for those who have suffered from harassment and other forms of gender-based violence in India to feel safe to  share their experiences, and also to provide a forum for other experienced travelers to share their advice. 

To this end, I decided to embark upon a new format for a 5-part series of posts, based on the model of Self-Defense taught at my karate school, Thousand Waves (and Seido Noida in Delhi) called the “Five Fingers of Self Defense.” The five fingers are, in order: THINK, YELL, RUN, FIGHT, TELL.  Each finger represents a collection of skills and techniques that can be applied to any potentially violent situation. Some of the skills or techniques may overlap between one or more of the fingers so organization of the tools we teach may become confusing, but as a whole the model is helpful as a mnemonic device. As you can see, the Fight Finger is fourth and comes only after Think, Yell, and Run. This is intentional. We teach physical fighting as a last-resort, only to be used when all other methods have failed—a method which requires an active choice. The following five posts that follow will attempt to practically apply the “Five Fingers of Self Defense” to travel-based situations, in particular travel to South Asian countries. The reason for this is, as I have discovered, the tools and strategies we teach to students in Chicago need to be modified in order to be most useful for those traveling around in India and other parts of South Asia. Each of the following five entries will explore a different “Finger” of Self Defense, examining ways in which the skills and tools we teach in Chicago might be successfully applied to various situations in South Asia.

I will use this format as a springboard for discussing issues specific for safety of women traveling to South Asia, but which I also hope will be helpful for Indian men and women struggling to understand and deal with these issues as well. I welcome (and encourage) comments, suggestions, and feedback along the way. I hope that through this we can all work together to discuss issues, strategies, share stories, and support those who have suffered.  You may feel free to post with your name, under a pseudonym, or anonymously.   I do request that all comments or replies—especially replies to those brave enough to respond with their personal experiences—be supportive in nature. It is never supportive to tell someone who has suffered violence, no matter how “small,” that they “should have done X or Y thing.” That is not the point of this blog.  If there is a situation you regularly experience while in South Asia for which you are looking for suggestions or advice, please feel free to share that as well (but be sure to let us know you are requesting advice!). “Success stories” (stories about ways in which you successfully dealt with some form of harassment or violence, or strategies that helped you feel empowered) are particularly welcome. I hope that this blog will encourage more people to become ‘allies,’ speaking up for and supporting those who have experienced harassment and other forms of violence in South Asia.

Why should women come to India?

Over the past few months I have spent much time posting on sexual harassment, inequality, rapes and other gender-based violence in India. This has caused me a great deal of introspection. My focus throughout most of these posts has been to educate and to caution foreign female travelers about the potential risks and offer tools they can use to protect themselves while traveling. But all the while, I have neglected a question that creeps up from time to time among female friends and colleagues from the US, but also among female companions I have met while traveling in India. Given these issues, why should women come to India in the first place?

Each female traveler who has been to India (who wishes to return) is likely to have a different answer to this. I have heard some answer based on religious or spiritual grounds: such as  “This is the home of the Dalai Lama,” “India is where Buddhism began,” or even “India is the best place to study yoga/meditation/[insert practice here].” I have heard other women respond based on a desire to do meaningful NGO work, whether it be for ecological, educational, or gender-discrimination related issues, or other volunteer-oriented enterprises. Others still, respond from a more pragmatic career-oriented practical perspective, offering reasoning such as “India has the best libraries/institutions/scholars for X field of study.”  For simplicity, I myself have often given the latter of these as the “reason” why I come. Other women may choose to downplay instances of harassment and emphasize the more adventure-based opportunities (exciting, colorful, and noisy festivals, beautiful landscapes, trekking opportunities, etc.).  Most travelers I have talked to would certainly highlight affordability (compared to 1st-world standards) as important for the choice of India.  And many women would probably cite more than one of the above reasons as important for their decision to come to (or return to) India. Many women travelers (whether intentional or not) may travel in groups or with a male companion and thus avoid the bulk of harassment issues, but for the purposes of this article I focus on the experiences of lone female travelers.

All of these above reasons to coming to India have in common one common assumption: the good (the potential benefits gained by visiting Indian) outweighs the bad (harassment, etc.). In other words, harassment and discrimination can be ignored because the opportunities India has to offer outweigh the risks. In other words, experiences of harassment and discrimination are necessarily minimized by female travelers in order to support and justify their reasons for coming/returning. My first post in this blog began with such an instance—a female traveler from Belgium who nearly succeeded in completely blocking out from her memory a recent disturbing experience of sexual harassment and gave a narrative describing India as a place where “harassment isn’t really  a big deal.” I have likewise met numerous female scholars and students who told me that harassment is simply a part of being female in India, a "rite of passage” that foreign women have to experience before eventually feeling ‘comfortable’ in India. Several among these women conveyed to me a certain amount of pride for successfully enduring these experiences. In other words, if you are a female and want to come (let alone return) to India for work/studies, the ability to endure harassment is almost considered a prerequisite; female scholars should toughen up and not let pesky things like harassment bother them. These views function as a sort of defense mechanism, allowing women to temporarily tolerate the experience of harassment in order to do what they came to India to do. But like all defense mechanisms, they are temporary solutions at best and unhealthy in the long-run. In her book Stop Street Harassment: Making Public Places Safe and Welcoming for Women (Santa Barbara, California: Praeger, 2010),  Holly Kearl devotes several chapters to discussing the context in which harassment occurs (fear of rape, gender inequality, and it's combination with other forms of discrimination) as having a significant impact on how street harassment impacts women.  For anyone inclined to minimize their own or anyone else’s experience of street harassment as “no big deal” and/or something not worth being concerned about, I highly recommend in particular Chapters two and three from this book.

The demerits of these kinds of dismissive attitudes are evident. Dismissing harassment as something which women “should” get used to is demeaning. Studies of harassment around the world  (I refer you to Holly Kearls’ book among many others) show that the long-term effects of harassment do not necessarily stem from individual isolated instances of harassment, but from the repetitive and pervasive nature of these experiences and from the fact that harassment occurs in the context of both gender inequality and a pervasive fear of rape. I hope that my personal experience of street harassment can be instructive in this way. Whenever I would initially return to India, I would have a honeymoon phase where everyone seems friendly and even the actions of harassers seem meaningless and trivial. But as the weeks (or sometimes merely days) pass, I would start to feel the impact more and more. I started making small choices designed to minimize harassment, such as limiting how often I would walk alone in public. I found riding a bike to in Sarnath freeing, not as much because of the speed or the exercise (which were both exhilarating), but because it was much more difficult for men to harass you while they also are trying to keep their balance and avoid collisions on a bike! The few attempts to do so resulted in embarrassing near-collisions (on their part—not mine!), which I took to be adequate punishment for attempted harassment. I found myself gradually choosing to avoid walking around in public places and felt relief whenever I realized I did not need to leave the guest house on a given day. From conversations with other women, I know that I was not alone in choosing to react this way. One white foreign woman I know admitted that she grew so tired of harassment that eventually she gave up on going out in public without her husband or family with her. Simply stated, harassment impacts women greatly in the long-run and it is neither practical nor necessarily healthy to minimize experiences of street harassment. So if ignoring or ‘toughening up’ is not necessarily a practical solution then how can we encourage women who travel to come to India?

One female traveler from Germany recently told  me (regarding harassment) “I love India, but I don’t always like Indians.” I have heard this type of response numerous times from female travelers and it is a perspective that at times of great frustration I too have felt affinity for. But embedded in this statement there two fallacious assumptions regarding harassment in India which need to be addressed.

Fallacy # 1 – a large percentage of men in India will harass women.
Actually, in my experience the percentage is quite small. There is undoubtedly a larger percentage of men (left un-addressed here) who may in fact side with victim-blaming attitudes, but among those, very few will openly harass women in public. When I enter a subway train in Delhi, although covered modestly in local clothing, I feel tension from the perception of unwanted stares and glares. But when I look at the percentage of men in a given subway car packed with 70-80 people, maybe only two or three are openly looking at me, and out of those 2-3, if confronted (by me) for their behavior, only one may remain unembarrassed and unapologetic. We are looking at a percentage of men (among Delhi male subway riders) of perhaps under 2%. In Sarnath also, while I was harassed several times daily on the way to and from the university, while 4-5 boys or men may have been the cause, I passed (or was passed by) several hundred more along the way who left me alone. Why then does it seem like a much larger number than it is? One is of course perception. When you become aware of harassment, you feel self-conscious, which increases the intensity of the experience. When harassment becomes a repeated experience, that self-consciousness increases and everyone becomes a potential harasser. At least twice while in Sarnath, I initially ignored people who approached me because I was anticipating harassment. In the first case, it was a kind man who had noticed my headphones had fallen out of my pocket and were dragging on the ground. The second time was actually another foreigner who was asking directions. Both times, I felt embarrassment at having prejudged them (incorrectly). But the point is, I initially ignored them because I had found that to be the safest way to avoid or minimize interactions with harassers—in other words the percentage of harassers felt sufficiently high to warrant antisocial or even rude behavior. The numbers always feel higher than they are.   The other reason is the population of India. Since street harassment is highly understudied, it is difficult to obtain statistics of percentages of men who admit to harassing women, but even if we take a percentage as low as 1% of the male population of India to be harassers, in a country of 628.8 million males (see 2012 census), 1% amounts to 6.28 million persons, which while a small percentage is still a large number of people, especially in larger cities. If we suppose a higher percentage, such as 10%, the number of harassers is of course astounding (62.8 million). While in 2012, reports indicate 78% of women in Delhi were harassed in 2012 (see this report), I would argue that it is unlikely this harassment was conducted by a majority of Delhi’s male residents. Simply put, India has a huge population, so even if a percentage as small as 1% or as large as 10% of men will harass you, it feels like a large percentage because it is a large number of people. Should a country be abandoned because a small minority of men harass women? Certainly these percentages of people engaging in bigotry and mistreatment of others can be found in any western country, the US included. If we consider discrimination and bullying levied at lesbian, gay, bi, or transgender people, Muslims (or even those simply ‘appearing’ Muslim or Arab), people with mental illness, and many other groups, the US doesn’t come out looking so good. For instance, some recent statistics on the bullying of gays in schools indicate that “about 9 out of 10 LGBT teens have reported being bullied at school within the past year because of their sexual orientation. Out of those numbers, almost half have reported being physically harassed followed by another quarter who reported actually being physically assaulted” (see this article). Reports indicate that in the workplace also, 90% of gays received some form of harassment or discrimination on the job in 2011. (see this report ).  But does this mean that gays, Muslims, and other targeted groups should avoid the US out of fear of discrimination or ill-treatment?  If we take the part (male harassers in India) to represent the whole (male population of India) we succumb to the informal fallacy known as “fallacy of composition.” Likewise, if we take the fact that some Indian men harass women to indicate that Indian men in general are horrible people, we commit the logical mistake known as “ecological fallacy.”

Fallacy #2 – Harassment is simply an accepted part of Indian culture
Next is the assumption that India and it’s residents (male included) want India to remain this way. Anyone who paid attention to International news in December and January will have noted that countless Indians across the country rallied for weeks, protesting the Delhi gang rape, and clamoring for greater enforcement of (and revision of rules) concerning sexual harassment and sexual assault.  The citizens care. That much is certain. While there are plenty of people in power (including religious clergy and politicians) granted air-time and/or print-space in media who espouse victim-blaming attitudes, recent protests and recent handling of these types of statements in media has shown that these views are controversial and no longer necessarily the majority view. Even before this incident, in numerous cities there have been women’s right’s organizations and other NGOs working to combat street harassment and sexual assault (Safe Delhi, Blank Noise, among others come to mind). Several of these NGOs exist to educate the public and to give women tools to combat discrimination, harassment and even sexual assault. In Delhi, there are women-only train cars for subways and there is a move to create women-only taxis as well. I have recently served as a coordinator between Thousand Waves’s Violence Prevention program  in Chicago, IL  and Seido Karate Noida’s  Violence Prevention and outreach programs in Noida and other parts of Delhi. Programs like this exist in India just as they do in the US and are growing. So why haven’t these reform movements ‘fixed’ the problem? There are numerous challenges that make reform difficult.  India is a vastly diverse place. Over 75% of the population still live in villages, rather than cities, and have less access to TV, computers, and other media which enable reform movements to impact a society quickly. Secondly, India is still very much a region-based country. I have often commented that going to a different state India feels like going to a new country. With various regions and regional identities competing for power, any country-wide change will be slow. However if we take the slowness to be an indicator that people do not want change, we dis-empower those individuals who are working hard to create the change us foreigners speak of. By misrepresenting and mis-characterizing India as a whole in this way, we fall into the fallacy of the “Straw Man” argument.

But perhaps those two counter-arguments are insufficient. A female traveler could argue that even given all this, if a woman knows her experience in India may be uncomfortable and she is almost guaranteed to face harassment of some sort, then why should she go to India? Why not another place? Why is India worth the risk?

For this, I only offer my own anecdotal response. Other women will doubtlessly have different answers. But mine is this: While some may choose to avoid India because of the people, for me, the best reason to come to India is because of the people. The relationships I have formed with individuals and families here in India alone to me makes it worth it. When I returned to India this trip (Sept 2012) and realized I was bringing as many gifts for friends here in India as I imagined I’d be bringing back to the US, I had the realization that India too has become my home, and I have “family” here as well. In all these cases, my family was 'earned' without a male companion. I have never been mistreated or discriminated against in any way by these people on the basis of my gender, nor do I believe I ever will be. For me, travel is always about the people—learning about the language and the culture through interacting with people. The amount of hospitality, kindness and generosity that I have experienced in India far exceeds the amount of harassment, and mistreatment I have experienced. For me, I would in fact argue that the good outweighs the bad—statistically and otherwise. But for me this is not about minimizing the experience of harassment, it is about accepting that there is a problem and having open, honest discussions about these issues with other people (domestic and foreign) in order to create change. I also choose to work in other ways towards change by coordinating with local violence prevention programs and by teaching individual women skills along the way. I choose to have discussions with other foreign tourists to provide the space for them to share and process their experiences. And I choose to write publicly  to share the experiences of myself and others, to give victims a voice and a safe space to process. 

What are your thoughts on this issue?

Being an ally for victims of sexual harassment

It’s recently been brought to my attention how often forms of sexual harassment and assault are suffered in silence.  Statistics on rape reported in this recent article indicate that at least 54% of rapes go unreported.  Since starting this blog, several female travelers (that I know) have contacted me to share their experiences. Each admitted to suffering (mostly) in silence.  Like for the Hungarian woman (see this entry) who was dangerously close to being sexually assaulted, more extreme incidents of sexual harassment are sufficiently traumatic that often women often prefer to block the painful memories from their mind, rather than relive traumas by admitting them to others. Even women who suffer from less extreme forms of sexual harassment (such as leering or the local equivalent of catcalls)  may experience trauma over time if the experiences are continuous and/or recurrent. 

I started this blog because I know that not every female traveler is comfortable using their voice to share their experiences. It takes boldness and courage to admit something as personal as feeling vulnerable to sexual harassment. As an independent, educated, career-oriented woman, I myself take pride in my ability to “hold my own” so-to-speak against the male-dominated academic fields in which I operate. How then can I be admit to feeling vulnerable to the mere glance (leer) of a man in another country? After my first trip to India, in which I endured memorable and painful incidents of sexual harassment, I too suffered in silence. Despite being (figuratively) surrounded by female colleagues and professors with whom I could have discussed these things, I remained silent. It was truly embarrassing to me—too embarrassing—to admit that I was vulnerable in this way. I felt ashamed. It was years later that I found my voice and developed the confidence to volunteer for a local violence prevention program and eventually start this blog. Sometimes even now I wish I could be thicker-skinned than I am. Sometimes I wish I could proudly walk through the streets in India dressed however I like, impervious to the comments, leers, provocative gestures, attempts at groping, stalking and whatever else.  Perhaps to an extent we all wish we could be thick-skinned and just shrug it off. But perhaps then there would be no need for this sort of blog. This blog exists because no matter how thick-skinned we are, we are human beings. And how people treat us impacts us. When we perceive that we are being treated as less than human because of our gender, race, ethnicity, socio-economic status, sexual orientation, or anything else that forms a part of our identity and over which we have no influence or control, it affects us. No matter how thick-skinned we are, being treated as subhuman based on our gender will be painful. There is no shame in this. It is not shameful to admit that others have hurt us. We did nothing to earn or deserve this treatment. We are the victims. Admitting this vulnerability does not make us less strong—it makes us stronger. It takes courage and strength to admit vulnerability by sharing your experiences with others. Sharing is important for healing; it is also an important first step for helping prevent others from being victims. Street harassment has the potential to escalate to other more dangerous forms of violence. It does not always stop at words or gestures. As other women have reported, in India as elsewhere, it can and does escalate to stalking, groping, indecent exposure, and even assault.  Street harassment too is a form of violence and should be treated as such.  

I want to use this opportunity to ask anyone following this blog to please consider being an ally to those who are currently suffering from or who have suffered from sexual harassment, assault or any other form of violence. It is hard for victims to find a voice. When a victim actually finds their voice, it is essential to support them and encourage them in any way one can.  If someone approaches you, or even just openly admits to having suffered a form of violence—no matter the degree—the best thing you can do for them is simply to listen. Hear what they have to say without judgment. This is not the time or place for suggestions as to what they could have done let alone what they “should” have done. The best thing you can do for a victim of any kind of violence is to be a good listener. Let them know that what they say matters and that you want to support them and help them however you can. The worst thing you can do for that person is to be unsupportive by “correcting” them, or in any way minimizing or invalidating their experience by inferring or implying it to be less than it is. When a victim finds their voice, it is a time to be encouraging. Your words need not be eloquent, or long-winded (like mine), but they should be supportive and encouraging.

It is only when a victim has gained sufficient distance (temporally and emotionally) from a painful situation that they can even be open to well-intended advice. The time gap necessary will depend on the intensity of the experience and the degree of emotional trauma endured. At that point, it might be appropriate as an ally to suggest they talk to others about their experiences in whatever way is most meaningful to them. They might prefer counseling or therapy, or they might find more closure in group meetings with others who have had similar experiences. Or you might recommend to them articles or online resources (such as Traveling While Female, or these handouts) to help them process their experiences.  If there are local violence prevention programs or self-defense courses, it might be appropriate to recommend those. But it is never appropriate to minimize or invalidate a victim’s experiences.

I ask this of all my readers—whether you consider yourself susceptible to the type of sexual harassment discussed in this blog or not—please consider becoming an ally for others. Listen, do not judge, and do not minimize their experience. Be encouraging, and be active in sharing resources like this blog with others.

Travel guidebooks and blogs on sexual harassment

I will be following up with more nuanced discussions of aspects of the previous post, but first I want to explore a new issue—the ways in which Western-based travel guides  and women-oriented travel blogs designed for westerners address or prepare women for issues of sexual harassment in India. 

Travel guidebooks and online resources
I happen to have the Lonely Planet guide to India on me, so I’ll mostly discuss this book. The Lonely Planet devotes 2 pages to women and solo travellers in which information ranging from appropriate clothing, safety in transportation to finding travel companions to save money on autos and taxis is discussed.  This is incidentally identical to the number of pages devoted to avoiding scams in India. I don’t disagree with any particular advice given in guidebooks like this. If you want to minimize harassment, wearing local clothing, or at least modest Western clothing with a dupatta (scarf) draped over your shirt as suggested in the Lonely Planet and similar books will certainly help. Likewise traveling in higher classes of trains and tourist buses or finding travel companions are valid ways to minimize the risk of sexual harassment and sexual assault in the form of groping. In fact there is some really good advice in these types of travel books. I single them out however for two reasons: (1) they focus on prevention almost exclusively and offer little advice for women who are being sexually harassed or assaulted and (2) the almost nonchalant attitude expressed regarding sexual harassment in these books, which I think encourages female travelers to minimize their own experiences and shrug them off rather than face them. Consider the following suggestion from the Lonely Planet,  “Be prepared to be stared at; It’s something you’ll have to live with so don’t allow it to get the better of you.” While it is true that a more nonchalant attitude towards staring will make a visit to India less uncomfortable for a woman traveler, I think it’s problematic to be encouraging a woman to shrug off staring so quickly. There is no taboo in Indian culture against staring as there is in most Western countries, which is what the author meant by the above statement. Thus staring can just be a sign of either boredom or curiosity and not necessarily a big deal. However in a section devoted to women travelers I think it’s a little premature to urge women to simply ‘get used to’ staring. Because of the lack of taboo regarding staring, most forms of sexual harassment in begin and end with staring. Staring can be accompanied by lewd verbal propositions, provocative gestures, being followed, being bumped into and/or groped, and/or other invasions of personal space of a woman, all of which are certainly taboo in Indian culture.  This sort of attitude inadvertently encourages  women to accept and get used to unwanted attention and advances in India which is problematic. 

The biggest problem that I have with these types of resources is that they are only preventative in nature. They focus on minimizing the risk of sexual harassment, which is undoubtedly a great idea. But prevention is not 100%. Depending on where you stay and for how long (longer stays in smaller places means more exposure, so locals often, but not always 'get used to you'), a woman may still receive sexual harassment on a daily basis especially if she is looks ‘atypical’ (i.e. unusual hair style, hair color, or clothing).  As an example, a red-headed colleague of mine had to cover her hair completely when she walked around in Jaipur, even though she lived there for 2 months, because otherwise she would get catcalls every few blocks. I personally would advise red-heads to cover their hair as often as possible for that reason. Several African-American female colleagues of mine in the same city reported that boys would occasionally approach and touch their hair without permission and then run away. While perhaps not sexual in nature, it is still a form of harassment which can over time wear down on someone, also known as microaggression.

But more importantly, what happens when attempts to avoid harassment fail? What happens when you do get harassed? What’s the culturally appropriate response? When is it best to ignore and when is it best to respond? How do locals respond to inappropriate advances? This is the type of information that should be made available to women travelers. If not in these guidebooks, then where?

The Lonely Planet guide suggests two external (non-Lonely Planet affiliated) web resources for women travelers. However after perusing their articles for information about sexual harassment, I was very concerned with what I found. One of the websites (www.wanderlustandlipstick.com )  seemed promising at first glance since it includes many blogs, several of which seemed to contain information regarding sexual harassment. However a search for “harassment” only came up with nine entries, one of which downplayed the risk of sexual harassment and assault and mostly focused on advising culturally-appropriate clothing. Two other blog entries made reference to the cultural heroine Sita’s being  sexually harassed by the demon Ravana (from the Ramayana), one blog denied the existence of sexual harassment in the Middle East, one made reference to being ‘harassed’ (questioned for IDs) by Chinese soldier, and another referred only to be harassed for money in India. One helpful blog pointed to a book titled “Safety and Security for Women who travel,” which might actually be useful.

But the article that takes the cake for being problematic is this one, which essentially takes the Lonely Planet guidebook’s attitude of “Get used to being stared at” to its far extreme and asserts,

Have I been stared at? Been on the receiving end of catcalls? Fondled? Had men expose themselves to me? Ignored in foreign restaurants?  Yes!
Do I see this as being ill-treated? No!
My response to situations, whether travel-related or not, directly relates to how I will see the world and also how I will continue to be treated. I could be pissed off that a waiter at an Indian restaurant chooses to only speak to my husband when we are traveling together or I could remember that I’m a guest in his country, try to understand where he’s coming from and then make a decision that I won’t visit that restaurant again.

So what exactly is wrong with this? While this woman is clearly aware of the problem of sexual harassment, she conflates sexual harassment with genuinely culturally-appropriate gender relations in India. Her statements presupposes that all of the above behavior is culturally-appropriate in India. Only two of the above five experiences listed are actually culturally acceptable in Indian society: staring (which Indians do even at each other), and women being ignored in foreign restaurants (which can happen in Muslim areas, but is extremely rare elsewhere). The other three: catcalls, being fondled, and men exposing themselves are not, I repeat not acceptable in Indian culture just as they are not acceptable in Western cultures. Putting all five of those instances in the same category of harassment is problematic because (1) it conflates sexual harassment with authentic Indian social norms and (2) conveys an attitude that women should simply accept sexual harassment out of concern for offending the target culture. The fact that an Indian women would not accept any of those last three items is unfortunately irrelevant for this critique.   

The other website recommended ( www.journeywoman.com) has a useful search engine which gave me 40 hits under the word “harassment”.  The entries linked from the search engine were more diverse (covered more countries than the previous site), but each article read more or less the same. Women are advised  to wear conservative and/or local clothing and act modest, they are informed that men will stare, and they are informed that men may try and touch them and the way to safeguard against this is to wear appropriate clothing, don’t get into the front seat of a taxi (true in India as well) and don’t accept a hotel room if it doesn’t lock from the inside (a good rule of thumb even in your own country!). But most entries focused on appropriate clothing to wear. Sadly this website falls victim to the same critique I levied against the Lonely Planet and similar guidebooks: what do you do if and when prevention fails and you are harassed? 

A manual I was given by an academic program I attended last summer is so far the best resource I have seen, though it has its problems. Included along with all of documents sent to us on water and food safety, availability of toiletries, and so forth was a 10-page word document on “How to Prevent and Combat Sexual Harassment,” which we were encouraged to read before coming. Eager for more tips, while preparing for my trip last year, I read every word. It was the best thing I have seen on how to prepare visiting students for incidents of harassment. I was indeed quite pleased to notice the disclaimer which indicates awareness that these are survival strategies and not ways to stop sexual harassment at its source: “The suggestions given below are short-term ways of coping with sexual harassment. They are not meant to substitute for broader efforts to educate people about and eradicate sexual harassment.” The manual contained very detailed and quite extensive advice to (mostly women) as to what behaviors, clothing, etc.  are considered ‘appropriate’ versus ‘inappropriate’ in India as well as advice for safety tips while traveling alone. I was also  pleasantly surprised to read practical advice for dealing with public groping or inappropriate touching (they suggested carrying a needle to poke potential gropers with), which is something the guidebooks shy away from confronting. This guidebook also suggested learning and memorizing a few phrases in the language of the area you’ll be visiting to shout out if you are being harassed, which for students attending a language program is a fantastic idea---not so practical for everyone else.

In short, it is a quite useful manual, and contains much information I would consider essential for any woman traveling without a male companion in India. But unfortunately as a result of its length and tone, it leans more towards the opposite end of the spectrum of the above blog.  I remember thinking to myself most any woman reading this who hasn’t been to India before is now likely to be scared out of their wits, fearing being harassed or molested every step of their trip. One girl in the program admitted that after reading that manual, she had been terrified because she didn’t yet have any local clothes and was literally expecting to be harassed on the street the entire time until she got local clothing.  So clearly the manual borders on overkill. Unfortunately because of overemphasizing the risk of sexual harassment, there was a kind of “boy who cried wolf” effect. Because most of the women in the program were not harassed immediately, they dismissed the manual (and its information) as being mostly unnecessary and thus minimized the very important information in the manual. After all, if the threat is not as imminent as promised, when why be prepared?  While fortunately she and ever woman in that program remained safe from physical harm, almost every woman in the program was sexually harassed in some way, some more often than others. So again I ask: what is the appropriate cultural response to harassment? Shrugging it off as “Indian culture” is factually inaccurate and dangerous.

The advice to Females Traveling to India that I wish was in guidebooks:
The first step is for female travelers to be educated in what are actually the cultural norms and expectations so that you always know what you are communicating. It is important to know that staring at a woman is not taboo in India (except for certain Muslim sects). It is not appropriate for a woman to stare back, or even to make eye contact for too long. That is generally interpreted as sexual interest. If you do not want to convey sexual interest, do not make prolonged eye contact and do not engage in even idle conversation with men when possible. There need be no concern about being polite or friendly enough. Being quiet is not rude, it is respectful and sets boundaries. If you intend to flirt, by all means be friendly. But if you do not want that attention, do not chat. But for any man to even touch an woman who is not his wife is taboo and should never be accepted.  Men will often (but not always) vacate a bench when a woman sits down.  It is not acceptable in India for a man to ask a woman questions about her marital status or anything to do with her dating habits and it is not appropriate for a woman to participate in that conversation. Answering questions of that nature is considered flirting. Women accompanied by a male travel companion can talk more freely with an Indian male if the male traveler is present, but even then, questions regarding marital status or dating are inappropriate. Any such questions are best avoided using both body language (turning face and body away from questioner) and verbally, by remaining mute. It is also acceptable to calmly asserting that the question is inappropriate, but that may invite them to question further, so be careful..

It is important to point out that in Indian culture Indian women are allowed to ask other women questions about marital status, and will also routinely follow up by asking your age, if you have any children, what you do for a living and (sometimes) how much you make. Each female traveler has to decide for themselves when to answer what. It is always acceptable to inform them that in [insert your country name here] we don’t ask those questions, and then decline to answer them.

Local clothing is extremely helpful. In part because it’s comfortable and dries quickly when you hand-wash it. But also because it often cuts down on harassment because it shows respect for Indian culture and conveys modesty. Also the dupatta is an effective tool for responding to excessive staring (by men). When being stared at by men, it is appropriate for a women to drape the dupatta (scarf, also sometimes called chunni, depending on where you are) over her head and then temporarily shield her face and turn away from the staring male. This communicates that you are being appropriately modest and the male is violating the (Indian) expectation of respect for women. I’ve tried it. It works about 85-90% of the time for me, but  I’m also quite pale and have light-colored hair and thus receive more harassment than darker-haired or darker- skinned foreign women. For others it may be even more effective.

It is always appropriate in an Indian context for a woman to get indignant and angry and yell at offensive men, especially for stronger forms of harassment such as touching, being followed, or if at any point you feel ‘trapped’. Actually, it’s not uncommon for an Indian woman to get offended and yell over things like being overcharged as well, so the power of your voice should not be underestimated. The offending male will back down (from whatever he is doing) and generally apologize profusely, begging the woman to not be angry. Why? Because it is embarrassing for the man. Capitalize on this. In extreme situations, you can also hit someone with your shoe or alternately throw your shoe at someone. They will be (rightfully) offended and generally leave.  Since this is a highly offensive move, it should be saved for when all other verbal techniques have failed  and should only be used if you feel threatened. There are of course a variety of physical self-defense techniques that can be learned and practiced which are helpful. Any kind of physical technique would likely surprise the offending male and convince them to leave. Women are not generally taught to defend themselves in India (nor are men, for that matter), so any kind of  physical response will have the element of surprise.

In situations where you feel uncomfortable because of Indian males, seek out female company, Indian or foreigner. I know female travelers who prefer second or third-class AC trains over 1st-class trains, because there are more people in the berth in lower AC trains and hence a greater chance of there being other female allies. You always want there to be another woman around if possible, so a 1st-class AC is inadvisable. Also try to avoid general (non AC) class, because theft, groping and so forth are more common there. If you have to ride general class, then find a family or group of females to sit beside. Similarly, sit down next to females rather than next to males on buses, chai stalls, etc. Indian women in particular are great allies. They are more likely than Indian men to speak up when another male is being inappropriate and come to your defense. Befriend Indian women. It will give you added protection and it gives you a way to safely interact with locals and learn more about the culture.

Always talk with other females who have been to where you are going before traveling. But here’s the caveat. Not every female traveler is as knowledgeable as others about travel advice. There are three qualities that  I would recommend searching for in a female traveler to solicit for advice. I think this is valid advice regardless of where you want to go:

1) Look for a female who has spent significant time (3 weeks minimum but longer is better) in one given place. Six months in India staying in each town no more than 3-5 days (or even a week) is not equivalent to a 2 month trip of 4 weeks in each spot. Always solicit advice from females who have done homestays if at all possible. If not, then ask advice from those who have stayed the longest in one town or city. Many countless female travelers that I have seen throughout my travels only truly see glimpses of India. They spend less than 2 days in a given place and spend at least 50% of their time in transit. While this is a valid style of traveling if you want to see more places in a smaller amount of time, the amount of depth that person will experience of the culture is commensurately small. They will have lots of great advice for finding the best deals on hotel rooms for short stays, bargaining with  travel agencies, and for finding safe restaurants off the bat, but by spending so little time in an area, they will not learn enough about the culture of that area to understand the complexities of gender dynamics to prepare you for issues of sexual harassment. Look for women who have several ‘friends’ in a given area. That often indicates they have spent enough time there to have people to go back to visit. If the person can’t tell you their favorite place for chai, they likely haven’t been there long enough to advise you (though that’s not a hard-and-fast rule). In my experience, there is something that happens when you spend more than a week  in a place. Locals start recognizing you for one. That is generally a good thing. Many countless travelers come through and they learn nothing about the foreigner and the foreigner learns nothing about them. Foreigners become numbers on a scorecard of how many thalis or how many minutes of internet they sold on a given day. Likewise, when you stay for a longer time, you learn more about the culture and habits of the place. You learn where the locals drink chai. You learn what time the locals go to temple (if they go). You learn where they shop, what’s the best way to get around, and where to find the best prices. And you learn to accept and experience a city or town as it is. The longer you stay in an area, the more you converse with locals, the more you learn about Indian culture (in that area) and the better equipped you are to handle questions someone coming to India for the first time may have. Those that stay in each place for only a few days simply don't have the time to immerse themselves and thus their understanding of Indian culture, let alone what constitutes sexual harassment in India is limited. These are the people who will produce blogs like the above that puts staring and  men who don’t make eye contact in the same category as indecent exposure.

2) Look for females who have traveled alone around in the target country. There is often a huge difference in experience between a woman who has traveled with a male companion and a woman who has traveled with one or more female companions and one who has traveled alone. Women accompanied by men are harassed considerably less often (if at all). Women travelling with other women are harassed quite often, but still less frequently than women travelling alone.  Women who have successfully gone anywhere in India alone will be better equipped to advise you how to be safe and the best ways to respond.

3) In India, look for women who have spent their significant time in the state or area you want to visit. There are ways in which each state in India can feel like a different country. I imagine other countries can be quite similar in this way. Villages are vastly different from towns and towns are vastly different from cities. And cities are vastly different from tourist hot spots. It is important to point out regional differences. For India, some states (Himachal Pradesh, Punjab) are much more relaxed and open to foreigners than others. Uttar Pradesh and Bihar in particular are known for being the roughest states for foreigners, let alone for foreign women to travel in.  Seek out people who have spent time in the state (if not the city/town/village) that you intend to visit for their advice. Pay attention to how the female foreigner says they spent their time. If they spent a month in Dharamsala attending Buddhist teachings or a month in Manali or Leh, Ladakh doing treks, or if they spent a month hopping around from city-to-city within a given state, their experience is going to be different  from someone who lived for a month in an apartment in Delhi, or did in a homestay in Varanasi.  Trying to learn about Indian culture from tourist places is like hanging out at Times Square in New York to understand the way New Yorkers live.  In cities known for sight-seeing such as Delhi, Agra, and Jaipur, it is easy to only see the tourist sites and rarely (if ever) interact with locals apart from purchasing a few things or hopping from auto rickshaw to auto rickshaw.  However, even in tourist cities, many women do succeed in interacting with locals through homestays, paying guest houses (bed and breakfasts) or even just by chatting (appropriately) with locals in restaurants, temples, and mosques. So always pay attention to what the traveler you are asking tells you about their travel style: where they spent the most time, and how they traveled and try to determine how applicable it is.

I hope this has been a helpful post. In my next update, I plan to talk about more general approaches to safety while traveling, including how and when to appropriately use fear as your guide.