Openness to travel and trusting our instincts

Given the emphasis on issues of sexual harassment and sexual assault while traveling, I want to take some time to clarify the difference between caution and fear and discuss some general approaches to preparing for travel to countries such as India which are known for sexual harassment problems.

It is important that women traveling to India (or anywhere else) be educated about potential risks and about cultural differences. It is also important to approach travelling to these places without constantly fearing or otherwise anticipating harassment and greet people with an open mind. The first week I was in Sarnath, Varanasi was probably the hardest. Sarnath attracts many tourists, especially tourists interested in Buddhism (Sarnath is the location of where the historical Buddha gave his first teaching). There are also many pilgrim-tourists that come, mostly in large groups to the main temple and stupa area and then leave. Lay Buddhist associations and groups from Sri Lanka, Bhutan and Burma frequent the area, but always stay in their groups in the vicinity of the stupa for special programs that have been set up for them. The domestic (Indian) and other foreign tourists for the most part arrive in Sarnath sometime between Friday and Sunday and only stay in Sarnath for a day (if that long).  Many tourists will stop by Sarnath while visiting Varanasi proper (after visiting the Ghats and various temples and shopping near the main Ghat), but only Buddhist pilgrims come to Varanasi only to see Sarnath. On a weekday, a lone white female sticks out. Wearing local clothing has its advantages and disadvantages. It shows respect for the culture (as numerous Indians themselves have told me) and demonstrates modesty. But upon occasion, wearing a full salwar-kamize outfit (let alone a saari!) can attract attention as well. It’s kind of a lose-lose situation. The locals in Sarnath did not yet “know” me by sight yet, so I was undoubtedly the most interesting thing they had seen in several days. As a result I was ‘greeted’ with stares from every Indian on the street as I walked the mile to the University library and back daily. Most of the stares were harmless, stemming out of genuine curiosity. More than a few however constituted leers, and some were accompanied by comments or lewd gestures. Fortunately the latter two on that list were always fleeting experiences since  the only Varanasi men bold enough to be that rude in broad daylight were generally young men on cycles or motorbikes who would pass by and be gone in a few seconds. While this may sound extremely uncomfortable, I should point out that this experience was quite mild compared to other’s. A female colleague-friend of mine who is currently in Kerala, reported that since she had arrived (in a two-three week period), she was followed home twice by creepy men, one of whom found her window and continued to watch her through her window until she discovered him. Sarnath by comparison (though perhaps not Varanasi) seems rather tame by comparison. Since my hair and face are quite fair, I had covered my hair with a scarf to minimize attention to myself, but short of wearing a full burka (not appropriate for a non-Muslim in a Hindu area), you can’t hide pale skin. They see you coming a mile away and are (mostly) curious.  So among all the countless stares, how do you determine which ones are ‘worth’ dealing with?

From the typical definition (in the U.S.), sexual harassment is any attention of a sexual manner that is unwanted and/or makes the recipient feel uncomfortable. This is where it becomes complicated in India. Because most Westerners (especially Americans) will not feel comfortable when stared at, whether it is sexual or not. Similarly, many Americans even in the U.S. feel uncomfortable setting boundaries by telling the questioner that their question is too personal or that they don’t feel comfortable answering it. We fear appearing “rude” or “impolite.” This problem is further compounded in places like India where the female traveler unknowingly thinks that this is simply a “cultural exchange” and therefore extremely personal questions might be “appropriate” in India. In my previous post on travel guides I addressed this issue and discussed what topics of conversation are generally considered appropriate for what gender from a typically Indian cultural perspective.  But I want to take a moment to clarify something. As a traveler, you have absolutely no obligation to be polite or “friendly” if you feel uncomfortable in any way. Information regarding cultural norms and what conversations are typical is meant to be informative. However, sacrificing one’s own feeling of personal security to answer questions you consider too personal whether or not they are ‘appropriate’ in the country you are visiting is not a requirement.

But where do we draw the line with discomfort? When traveling, there are any number of new experiences and sensations. The food is different, the smells are different. We may be jet-lagged or otherwise exhausted from travel. The people are different—they speak different languages, wear different clothing, walk differently. With our minds abuzz with all this extra information how can we discern between the discomfort that comes from being in a new place and the discomfort that comes from boundary-crossing conversations?  To address this, I want to talk about instincts and using ‘fear’ as a guide while traveling. 

A year ago, the Director of Violence Prevention for Thousand Waves,  recommended I read Gavin de Becker’s The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals That Protect Us From Violence. I wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone, whether you are a world-traveler or happily living travel-free. I learn something new from this book every time I pick it up.  Among the many topics discussed, de Becker argues that our intuition is more reliable than we think. He cites numerous cases where people simply “knew” seemingly without a reason that something was wrong and their assessment turned out to be correct. De Becker nuances that there are in fact reasons behind these intuitions or fears but we may not be consciously aware of them in the moment. Other times those reasons are more conscious but we may second-guess our intuition, assuming it to be paranoia-induced fear. We then convince ourselves that we are “over-reacting.”  What de Becker in part is arguing is that (1) we can and in fact should trust our 'fears'. But he additionally argues that  (2) we need to feed our intuition correct factual information so that our fears or intuitive reactions are realistic.

For example, “fear” or “instinct” wrongly applied can be (and is) used to justify various social wrongs such as racism, homophobia, Islamophobia, and other harmful forms of discrimination. Simply feeling uncomfortable because of being out of your comfort zone is not sufficient. This is where self-education comes in. We need to be informed regarding culturally relevant information and with accurate statistics on sexual harassment, assault, and other crime in order for our ‘fear’ or intuition to be accordingly accurate. In Thousand Waves’s Violence Prevention program, we teach that you should always look at what a person is doing, not what they look like. Judge them by their behavior, not by their race, clothing, and so forth. In this way we advocate questioning our impulse to judge based solely on our preconceived notions of how a “safe” person dresses or appears (which too often leads to racial profiling) and instead judge based on what the person is doing in that moment. Body language and verbal cues will tell you what you need to know if you are educated in what to look for.  Not every Indian male will harass you no matter their socio-economic status, clothing, occupation, whatever. But be aware of what they are doing. Are they following  a bit too close? Is there a group of boys eyeing you and moving towards you? Is the rickshaw driver being inappropriately chatty or  is he trying to convince you to move to a more private location? Is the tout following you trying to sell you something or trying to flirt? Only you can best assess the intentions of the person in question. Trust your instincts.

Several weeks ago, (see previous post here) my instincts told me that the inappropriately chatty rickshaw driver in Varanasi (see previous post) was basically harmless . My instincts told me the best way to handle the situation was simply to tell him to change the conversation and occasionally reprimand him for his lewd conversation topics. Demanding he stop the rickshaw seemed a bit too much of a reaction. I was traveling with two other female passengers at the time and felt empowered by the strength in numbers. As a result I did not feel threatened in any way. We arrived safely, though a little shaken. But if I had been traveling alone, I probably would have reacted quite differently.  I might have yelled and demand he stop taking in that way or stop the vehicle. I probably would have threatened to not give him the full fare. If I had been alone, my instincts, my ‘fear’, would have told me to act differently.  If your instinct tells you to run, then get out of there quickly by whatever means necessary. But if your instinct (and not just some unconditional fear) tells you that while you are uncomfortable, you are essentially safe, then choose your reaction accordingly. There is a world of gray areas. Sometimes discomfort (for white females) is simply the experience of feeling like a minority for the first time. Sometimes discomfort arises from being in a new place with new people and feeling a bit uncertain. But if someone or something is a threat, be confident that with proper education regarding cultural norms in the target country, you can accurately assess whether or not there is a threat and act as you see fit.

Fear is a useful tool, but only when used in moderation. As de Becker argues, constantly fearing or anticipating attack is actually counterproductive. Gavin de Becker cites an example of a client who admitted to constantly fearing attack on a daily basis. As de Becker argues, when we experience fear on a daily basis, we are constantly being bombarded from fear-based survival signals. Our adrenaline masks our perceptions. Simply put, in order to experience these valuable survival signals clearly, we need contrast. If we never comfortably walk the streets then we will not be able to notice the sharp contrast of a legitimate survival signal if and when it arises.  Thus if we fear every passing Indian male or anticipate sexual harassment every time we walk down the street, then our threshold is so high we won’t notice the legitimate fear signals telling us when there is a real danger.

In order to rely on our fear signals while traveling, we first you need to be re-calibrated, so to speak, so that our fears accurately reflect potential threats in the new country. This is true whether one’s concern is sexual harassment or any other potential threat. The first step is for each traveler to be accurately informed about Indian culture and the current conditions in the region of India to which we are traveling. It is no more true to say that every Indian male is out to sexually harass foreign women than it is to say that leering, groping, indecent exposure and lewd gestures are all deemed appropriate behavior in Indian culture and society. Education regarding cultural norms such as: what are typical styles of modest dress and behavior for each gender and what are culturally appropriate ways of responding to sexual harassment is important. Talking with other female travelers who have been to that region (as I recommended in my previous post) is useful. The second step is to make educated decisions about how to dress, converse, and behave while in India. This is not to say that it is best for all foreigners to dress local and conform to rigidly conservative Indian standards of behavior.  Rather each person has the right to decide for themselves what is the best way for them to dress, converse, and behave while traveling and likewise the right to decide how to best handle issues of sexual harassment. Decisions regarding what to wear and how to behave may change throughout throughout one’s travels depending on region of India (or other countries), or they may change depending on if we are traveling alone or with a group or partner. I certainly modify my behaviors and dress throughout my travels. The important thing is that it should always be a conscious choice made with understanding of how our dress, behaviors, etc. might be perceived by others.  And finally, the third step is to trust our instincts. We can and should trust that if our instincts tell us to run, we should run (or escape). If our instincts tell us it is best to intervene and reprimand the offender for their remark, stare, lewd gesture, or conversation, then we should intervene. If our instincts tell us that the person staring (male or female) is simply curious or (appropriately) friendly, why not smile or wave in return? Approach traveling with an open heart. Be open to being out of your comfort zone. Only then will genuine survival signals be distinguishable from the ambient noise.

Understanding responses to rapes in West Bengal

In my previous post  I encouraged female travelers to learn about the culture of the place they are visiting to better prepare themselves. This article is an attempt to provide greater understanding of sexual harassment and sexual assault in India through an analysis of the responses by media and political leaders to a series of rapes occurring recently in West Bengal (India). I hope that this piece will bring a greater understanding of the challenges and complexities of gender relations and the difficulties in reporting sexual assault in India.

I have been recently following the series of rapes in West Bengal that have appeared in the news. As more and more women and young girls report rape, the media attention continues to spotlight these events, which seems to have made West Bengal Chief Minister Mamata Banerjee quite uncomfortable. In response to the rise of media attention to rapes in the area Banerjee—a woman— on national television accuses media of “glorifying rape” in order to get more press coverage and makes a series of comments strongly implying that what she calls “modern permissive society” in India (things such as holding hands in public) are the cause of rape in the first place. Here are several different records of her response in prominent Indian newspapers: In the first one I read, which was both in the print and online version of the Times of India contains the following account:

West Bengal Chief Minister Mamata Banerjee took a dig at the modern permissive society, but stopped short of linking it to rise in crimes against women in the state. 

"Earlier, if men and women held hands, parents would reprimand them. Now everything is done openly. It's like an open market with open options," said Mamata.

She accused the media of "news pollution" against her government and trying to project Bengal as a land of rapists. "Rape is sought to be glorified by these people. This will not be tolerated by people. Negative journalism only destroys and it is time to champion positive journalism," she said at a programme to release the festival number of the Trinamool Congress mouthpiece Jago Bangla in Kolkata. Besides party leaders, pro-Trinamool intellectuals and Tollywood actors were present there.
"Wrong news items and canards are being circulated by a section of the media, particularly some news channels, to target the government. They are even distorting my version," Mamata said.

The Hindustan Times similarly reported:

The chief minister alleged that these media were suppressing facts and thus causing "news pollution", pointing to projection of some rape incidents in the state.
"Everyday rape incidents are being highlighted as if the entire state has become the land of rapists. Rape is sought to be glorified by these people. This will not be tolerated by people. I would like to say that negative journalism only destroys and it is time to champion positive journalism," she said.

First let’s get the facts straight. The facts are there has been a significant rise in the reports of rapes in the West Bengal area over the past few weeks. To see details of some of these I encourage you to read here and here.  The news media has been paying attention to this. In Chief Minister Banerjee’s view, this media attention is a bad thing because it brings unwanted negative attention to the region, which is what she refers to as “glorifying rape.” It is perhaps even accurate to say that the media attention paid to West Bengal recently has focused on West Bengal itself and questioned why the rapes are there rather than directly addressing potential causes for increase in rape in the area. But the words the Chief Minister Monday night carry much more than a reproach for media attention to her state. Her words imply that rape should not be covered by media, and that attention paid by media to rape is unwarranted. This I think is a huge problem.  While news media often tends towards the sensational, that does not negate the importance of reporting these events. Rape and sexual assault in India is severely under-reported in India, in part because of the lack of support for women (and men) survivors. The attitudes of police officers, even in major cities such as Delhi may also be a contributing factor, if this report based on this exposé  is to be believed. While I cannot verify the facts, judging by the way 'modern' Indian women are depicted in even the English-language print media, I think the attitudes depicted in those articles are likely accurate enough.

Despite advances in women's access to education and the (reluctant) acceptance of women in the workplace in the larger cities, Indian women who dress 'western' are often treated with the same disrespect given to white female travelers who dress 'western.'  Women who engage in behaviors that are considered 'inappropriate' for women, such as smoking or drinking, are also assumed to be engaging in similarly 'inappropriate' sexual behavior. When these women are sexually harassed or even assaulted, the media response is usually to blame the victim. The male perpetrator is culturally left off the hook by the adage "Boys will be boys." In colleges, girls dorms will often have an earlier curfew than boys dorms, "for their own protection" and boys are often prohibited (with harsh restrictions) from visiting female dorms. These restrictions further reinforce the the cultural assumption that boys can't control their impulses and can't be trusted. The responsibility is passed on to the female who must "protect" themselves as society dictates with 'appropriate' clothing and behavior. Suffice it to say that rape and sexual assault, let alone sexual harassment are major problems throughout India that have not been sufficiently reported, let alone addressed. With greater public awareness comes greater political pressure to change laws and law enforcement regarding these crimes, which are important steps towards reducing the incidents of rape.

What I find most problematic about Chief Minister Banerjee’s statements is the victim-blaming. Recall her statement, “Earlier, if men and women held hands, parents would reprimand them. Now everything is done openly. It's like an open market with open options." For those less aware of Indian cultural norms, I should explain that in India, public displays of affection such as hand-holding, let alone kissing or more intimate  displays are considered inappropriate. Simply put, affection is only considered appropriate between husband and wife and only in the privacy of their own bedroom.  Nowadays, hand-holding (and occasionally embracing) between couples can be seen in public parks (and occasionally in dark booths in local restaurants), but this is largely considered inappropriate behavior by Indian society.  Pre-marital dating and PDA in India is much too complex an issue to do justice here, but suffice it to say, it is a controversial topic.

What I think is important to state is that Chief Minister Banerjee’s statements clearly imply that this “modern permissive society” 's allowance of things such as dating and hand-holding are indirect causes for the apparent rise in sexual assault. These statements remove the responsibility from the perpetrator and places it on those participating in this “modern permissive society,” thus implying that any woman who ‘participates’ in those types of actions deserves to be raped. These kinds of statements, spoken by a public government official carry weight and are significant  But Chief Minister Banerjee is not simply any public official.  She is the first female elected to her position and has become a public figure, well-known in many circles for her work in reforming health and education in West Bengal, among other things. In 2012 (a year after assuming office), Time Magazine named her one of the “100 Most Influential People in the World.” For someone of her status to be publicly making such statements is truly shocking. 

While this issue pertains specifically to the rape of Indian women in West Bengal, I think it is helpful for female travelers to understand some of the complexities and tensions regarding these issues.  It is important to note that India is changing. While India is quickly developing and is increasingly becoming more modernized in terms of infrastructure, changes in social norms have not necessarily paced the developments in infrastructure. Along with the rise of women in higher education and in the workplace, especially in bigger cities, there is perhaps an increased resistance to this very fact. From research on rape and violence prevention, we know that sexual harassment and sexual assault is never about ‘sex’, it is about issues of power and/or anger.  With all changing power structures in India, tension, resulting in resistance to and anger towards  these kinds of change are at an all-time high. Foreign women may symbolize perhaps a even greater disparity in power for a variety of reasons, which is one aspect  (of the many) I neglected to address in my previous post on "Sexual harassment of white Women in India". Perhaps these issues warrant further reflection.

Travel guidebooks and blogs on sexual harassment

I will be following up with more nuanced discussions of aspects of the previous post, but first I want to explore a new issue—the ways in which Western-based travel guides  and women-oriented travel blogs designed for westerners address or prepare women for issues of sexual harassment in India. 

Travel guidebooks and online resources
I happen to have the Lonely Planet guide to India on me, so I’ll mostly discuss this book. The Lonely Planet devotes 2 pages to women and solo travellers in which information ranging from appropriate clothing, safety in transportation to finding travel companions to save money on autos and taxis is discussed.  This is incidentally identical to the number of pages devoted to avoiding scams in India. I don’t disagree with any particular advice given in guidebooks like this. If you want to minimize harassment, wearing local clothing, or at least modest Western clothing with a dupatta (scarf) draped over your shirt as suggested in the Lonely Planet and similar books will certainly help. Likewise traveling in higher classes of trains and tourist buses or finding travel companions are valid ways to minimize the risk of sexual harassment and sexual assault in the form of groping. In fact there is some really good advice in these types of travel books. I single them out however for two reasons: (1) they focus on prevention almost exclusively and offer little advice for women who are being sexually harassed or assaulted and (2) the almost nonchalant attitude expressed regarding sexual harassment in these books, which I think encourages female travelers to minimize their own experiences and shrug them off rather than face them. Consider the following suggestion from the Lonely Planet,  “Be prepared to be stared at; It’s something you’ll have to live with so don’t allow it to get the better of you.” While it is true that a more nonchalant attitude towards staring will make a visit to India less uncomfortable for a woman traveler, I think it’s problematic to be encouraging a woman to shrug off staring so quickly. There is no taboo in Indian culture against staring as there is in most Western countries, which is what the author meant by the above statement. Thus staring can just be a sign of either boredom or curiosity and not necessarily a big deal. However in a section devoted to women travelers I think it’s a little premature to urge women to simply ‘get used to’ staring. Because of the lack of taboo regarding staring, most forms of sexual harassment in begin and end with staring. Staring can be accompanied by lewd verbal propositions, provocative gestures, being followed, being bumped into and/or groped, and/or other invasions of personal space of a woman, all of which are certainly taboo in Indian culture.  This sort of attitude inadvertently encourages  women to accept and get used to unwanted attention and advances in India which is problematic. 

The biggest problem that I have with these types of resources is that they are only preventative in nature. They focus on minimizing the risk of sexual harassment, which is undoubtedly a great idea. But prevention is not 100%. Depending on where you stay and for how long (longer stays in smaller places means more exposure, so locals often, but not always 'get used to you'), a woman may still receive sexual harassment on a daily basis especially if she is looks ‘atypical’ (i.e. unusual hair style, hair color, or clothing).  As an example, a red-headed colleague of mine had to cover her hair completely when she walked around in Jaipur, even though she lived there for 2 months, because otherwise she would get catcalls every few blocks. I personally would advise red-heads to cover their hair as often as possible for that reason. Several African-American female colleagues of mine in the same city reported that boys would occasionally approach and touch their hair without permission and then run away. While perhaps not sexual in nature, it is still a form of harassment which can over time wear down on someone, also known as microaggression.

But more importantly, what happens when attempts to avoid harassment fail? What happens when you do get harassed? What’s the culturally appropriate response? When is it best to ignore and when is it best to respond? How do locals respond to inappropriate advances? This is the type of information that should be made available to women travelers. If not in these guidebooks, then where?

The Lonely Planet guide suggests two external (non-Lonely Planet affiliated) web resources for women travelers. However after perusing their articles for information about sexual harassment, I was very concerned with what I found. One of the websites (www.wanderlustandlipstick.com )  seemed promising at first glance since it includes many blogs, several of which seemed to contain information regarding sexual harassment. However a search for “harassment” only came up with nine entries, one of which downplayed the risk of sexual harassment and assault and mostly focused on advising culturally-appropriate clothing. Two other blog entries made reference to the cultural heroine Sita’s being  sexually harassed by the demon Ravana (from the Ramayana), one blog denied the existence of sexual harassment in the Middle East, one made reference to being ‘harassed’ (questioned for IDs) by Chinese soldier, and another referred only to be harassed for money in India. One helpful blog pointed to a book titled “Safety and Security for Women who travel,” which might actually be useful.

But the article that takes the cake for being problematic is this one, which essentially takes the Lonely Planet guidebook’s attitude of “Get used to being stared at” to its far extreme and asserts,

Have I been stared at? Been on the receiving end of catcalls? Fondled? Had men expose themselves to me? Ignored in foreign restaurants?  Yes!
Do I see this as being ill-treated? No!
My response to situations, whether travel-related or not, directly relates to how I will see the world and also how I will continue to be treated. I could be pissed off that a waiter at an Indian restaurant chooses to only speak to my husband when we are traveling together or I could remember that I’m a guest in his country, try to understand where he’s coming from and then make a decision that I won’t visit that restaurant again.

So what exactly is wrong with this? While this woman is clearly aware of the problem of sexual harassment, she conflates sexual harassment with genuinely culturally-appropriate gender relations in India. Her statements presupposes that all of the above behavior is culturally-appropriate in India. Only two of the above five experiences listed are actually culturally acceptable in Indian society: staring (which Indians do even at each other), and women being ignored in foreign restaurants (which can happen in Muslim areas, but is extremely rare elsewhere). The other three: catcalls, being fondled, and men exposing themselves are not, I repeat not acceptable in Indian culture just as they are not acceptable in Western cultures. Putting all five of those instances in the same category of harassment is problematic because (1) it conflates sexual harassment with authentic Indian social norms and (2) conveys an attitude that women should simply accept sexual harassment out of concern for offending the target culture. The fact that an Indian women would not accept any of those last three items is unfortunately irrelevant for this critique.   

The other website recommended ( www.journeywoman.com) has a useful search engine which gave me 40 hits under the word “harassment”.  The entries linked from the search engine were more diverse (covered more countries than the previous site), but each article read more or less the same. Women are advised  to wear conservative and/or local clothing and act modest, they are informed that men will stare, and they are informed that men may try and touch them and the way to safeguard against this is to wear appropriate clothing, don’t get into the front seat of a taxi (true in India as well) and don’t accept a hotel room if it doesn’t lock from the inside (a good rule of thumb even in your own country!). But most entries focused on appropriate clothing to wear. Sadly this website falls victim to the same critique I levied against the Lonely Planet and similar guidebooks: what do you do if and when prevention fails and you are harassed? 

A manual I was given by an academic program I attended last summer is so far the best resource I have seen, though it has its problems. Included along with all of documents sent to us on water and food safety, availability of toiletries, and so forth was a 10-page word document on “How to Prevent and Combat Sexual Harassment,” which we were encouraged to read before coming. Eager for more tips, while preparing for my trip last year, I read every word. It was the best thing I have seen on how to prepare visiting students for incidents of harassment. I was indeed quite pleased to notice the disclaimer which indicates awareness that these are survival strategies and not ways to stop sexual harassment at its source: “The suggestions given below are short-term ways of coping with sexual harassment. They are not meant to substitute for broader efforts to educate people about and eradicate sexual harassment.” The manual contained very detailed and quite extensive advice to (mostly women) as to what behaviors, clothing, etc.  are considered ‘appropriate’ versus ‘inappropriate’ in India as well as advice for safety tips while traveling alone. I was also  pleasantly surprised to read practical advice for dealing with public groping or inappropriate touching (they suggested carrying a needle to poke potential gropers with), which is something the guidebooks shy away from confronting. This guidebook also suggested learning and memorizing a few phrases in the language of the area you’ll be visiting to shout out if you are being harassed, which for students attending a language program is a fantastic idea---not so practical for everyone else.

In short, it is a quite useful manual, and contains much information I would consider essential for any woman traveling without a male companion in India. But unfortunately as a result of its length and tone, it leans more towards the opposite end of the spectrum of the above blog.  I remember thinking to myself most any woman reading this who hasn’t been to India before is now likely to be scared out of their wits, fearing being harassed or molested every step of their trip. One girl in the program admitted that after reading that manual, she had been terrified because she didn’t yet have any local clothes and was literally expecting to be harassed on the street the entire time until she got local clothing.  So clearly the manual borders on overkill. Unfortunately because of overemphasizing the risk of sexual harassment, there was a kind of “boy who cried wolf” effect. Because most of the women in the program were not harassed immediately, they dismissed the manual (and its information) as being mostly unnecessary and thus minimized the very important information in the manual. After all, if the threat is not as imminent as promised, when why be prepared?  While fortunately she and ever woman in that program remained safe from physical harm, almost every woman in the program was sexually harassed in some way, some more often than others. So again I ask: what is the appropriate cultural response to harassment? Shrugging it off as “Indian culture” is factually inaccurate and dangerous.

The advice to Females Traveling to India that I wish was in guidebooks:
The first step is for female travelers to be educated in what are actually the cultural norms and expectations so that you always know what you are communicating. It is important to know that staring at a woman is not taboo in India (except for certain Muslim sects). It is not appropriate for a woman to stare back, or even to make eye contact for too long. That is generally interpreted as sexual interest. If you do not want to convey sexual interest, do not make prolonged eye contact and do not engage in even idle conversation with men when possible. There need be no concern about being polite or friendly enough. Being quiet is not rude, it is respectful and sets boundaries. If you intend to flirt, by all means be friendly. But if you do not want that attention, do not chat. But for any man to even touch an woman who is not his wife is taboo and should never be accepted.  Men will often (but not always) vacate a bench when a woman sits down.  It is not acceptable in India for a man to ask a woman questions about her marital status or anything to do with her dating habits and it is not appropriate for a woman to participate in that conversation. Answering questions of that nature is considered flirting. Women accompanied by a male travel companion can talk more freely with an Indian male if the male traveler is present, but even then, questions regarding marital status or dating are inappropriate. Any such questions are best avoided using both body language (turning face and body away from questioner) and verbally, by remaining mute. It is also acceptable to calmly asserting that the question is inappropriate, but that may invite them to question further, so be careful..

It is important to point out that in Indian culture Indian women are allowed to ask other women questions about marital status, and will also routinely follow up by asking your age, if you have any children, what you do for a living and (sometimes) how much you make. Each female traveler has to decide for themselves when to answer what. It is always acceptable to inform them that in [insert your country name here] we don’t ask those questions, and then decline to answer them.

Local clothing is extremely helpful. In part because it’s comfortable and dries quickly when you hand-wash it. But also because it often cuts down on harassment because it shows respect for Indian culture and conveys modesty. Also the dupatta is an effective tool for responding to excessive staring (by men). When being stared at by men, it is appropriate for a women to drape the dupatta (scarf, also sometimes called chunni, depending on where you are) over her head and then temporarily shield her face and turn away from the staring male. This communicates that you are being appropriately modest and the male is violating the (Indian) expectation of respect for women. I’ve tried it. It works about 85-90% of the time for me, but  I’m also quite pale and have light-colored hair and thus receive more harassment than darker-haired or darker- skinned foreign women. For others it may be even more effective.

It is always appropriate in an Indian context for a woman to get indignant and angry and yell at offensive men, especially for stronger forms of harassment such as touching, being followed, or if at any point you feel ‘trapped’. Actually, it’s not uncommon for an Indian woman to get offended and yell over things like being overcharged as well, so the power of your voice should not be underestimated. The offending male will back down (from whatever he is doing) and generally apologize profusely, begging the woman to not be angry. Why? Because it is embarrassing for the man. Capitalize on this. In extreme situations, you can also hit someone with your shoe or alternately throw your shoe at someone. They will be (rightfully) offended and generally leave.  Since this is a highly offensive move, it should be saved for when all other verbal techniques have failed  and should only be used if you feel threatened. There are of course a variety of physical self-defense techniques that can be learned and practiced which are helpful. Any kind of physical technique would likely surprise the offending male and convince them to leave. Women are not generally taught to defend themselves in India (nor are men, for that matter), so any kind of  physical response will have the element of surprise.

In situations where you feel uncomfortable because of Indian males, seek out female company, Indian or foreigner. I know female travelers who prefer second or third-class AC trains over 1st-class trains, because there are more people in the berth in lower AC trains and hence a greater chance of there being other female allies. You always want there to be another woman around if possible, so a 1st-class AC is inadvisable. Also try to avoid general (non AC) class, because theft, groping and so forth are more common there. If you have to ride general class, then find a family or group of females to sit beside. Similarly, sit down next to females rather than next to males on buses, chai stalls, etc. Indian women in particular are great allies. They are more likely than Indian men to speak up when another male is being inappropriate and come to your defense. Befriend Indian women. It will give you added protection and it gives you a way to safely interact with locals and learn more about the culture.

Always talk with other females who have been to where you are going before traveling. But here’s the caveat. Not every female traveler is as knowledgeable as others about travel advice. There are three qualities that  I would recommend searching for in a female traveler to solicit for advice. I think this is valid advice regardless of where you want to go:

1) Look for a female who has spent significant time (3 weeks minimum but longer is better) in one given place. Six months in India staying in each town no more than 3-5 days (or even a week) is not equivalent to a 2 month trip of 4 weeks in each spot. Always solicit advice from females who have done homestays if at all possible. If not, then ask advice from those who have stayed the longest in one town or city. Many countless female travelers that I have seen throughout my travels only truly see glimpses of India. They spend less than 2 days in a given place and spend at least 50% of their time in transit. While this is a valid style of traveling if you want to see more places in a smaller amount of time, the amount of depth that person will experience of the culture is commensurately small. They will have lots of great advice for finding the best deals on hotel rooms for short stays, bargaining with  travel agencies, and for finding safe restaurants off the bat, but by spending so little time in an area, they will not learn enough about the culture of that area to understand the complexities of gender dynamics to prepare you for issues of sexual harassment. Look for women who have several ‘friends’ in a given area. That often indicates they have spent enough time there to have people to go back to visit. If the person can’t tell you their favorite place for chai, they likely haven’t been there long enough to advise you (though that’s not a hard-and-fast rule). In my experience, there is something that happens when you spend more than a week  in a place. Locals start recognizing you for one. That is generally a good thing. Many countless travelers come through and they learn nothing about the foreigner and the foreigner learns nothing about them. Foreigners become numbers on a scorecard of how many thalis or how many minutes of internet they sold on a given day. Likewise, when you stay for a longer time, you learn more about the culture and habits of the place. You learn where the locals drink chai. You learn what time the locals go to temple (if they go). You learn where they shop, what’s the best way to get around, and where to find the best prices. And you learn to accept and experience a city or town as it is. The longer you stay in an area, the more you converse with locals, the more you learn about Indian culture (in that area) and the better equipped you are to handle questions someone coming to India for the first time may have. Those that stay in each place for only a few days simply don't have the time to immerse themselves and thus their understanding of Indian culture, let alone what constitutes sexual harassment in India is limited. These are the people who will produce blogs like the above that puts staring and  men who don’t make eye contact in the same category as indecent exposure.

2) Look for females who have traveled alone around in the target country. There is often a huge difference in experience between a woman who has traveled with a male companion and a woman who has traveled with one or more female companions and one who has traveled alone. Women accompanied by men are harassed considerably less often (if at all). Women travelling with other women are harassed quite often, but still less frequently than women travelling alone.  Women who have successfully gone anywhere in India alone will be better equipped to advise you how to be safe and the best ways to respond.

3) In India, look for women who have spent their significant time in the state or area you want to visit. There are ways in which each state in India can feel like a different country. I imagine other countries can be quite similar in this way. Villages are vastly different from towns and towns are vastly different from cities. And cities are vastly different from tourist hot spots. It is important to point out regional differences. For India, some states (Himachal Pradesh, Punjab) are much more relaxed and open to foreigners than others. Uttar Pradesh and Bihar in particular are known for being the roughest states for foreigners, let alone for foreign women to travel in.  Seek out people who have spent time in the state (if not the city/town/village) that you intend to visit for their advice. Pay attention to how the female foreigner says they spent their time. If they spent a month in Dharamsala attending Buddhist teachings or a month in Manali or Leh, Ladakh doing treks, or if they spent a month hopping around from city-to-city within a given state, their experience is going to be different  from someone who lived for a month in an apartment in Delhi, or did in a homestay in Varanasi.  Trying to learn about Indian culture from tourist places is like hanging out at Times Square in New York to understand the way New Yorkers live.  In cities known for sight-seeing such as Delhi, Agra, and Jaipur, it is easy to only see the tourist sites and rarely (if ever) interact with locals apart from purchasing a few things or hopping from auto rickshaw to auto rickshaw.  However, even in tourist cities, many women do succeed in interacting with locals through homestays, paying guest houses (bed and breakfasts) or even just by chatting (appropriately) with locals in restaurants, temples, and mosques. So always pay attention to what the traveler you are asking tells you about their travel style: where they spent the most time, and how they traveled and try to determine how applicable it is.

I hope this has been a helpful post. In my next update, I plan to talk about more general approaches to safety while traveling, including how and when to appropriately use fear as your guide.

Sexual harassment of white women in India

I wasn’t going to write this originally. I had started a similar entry last week in Delhi in my private travel blog, but changed my mind, telling myself that it is “no big deal.” But events over the past few days have unfortunately ‘inspired’ me to do so. And so it is with regret that I have to write this. I decided to create a new blog, a public one, specifically for issues pertaining to 'Traveling while female'.

I want to add a disclaimer that this post is not intended to diminish any cases of sexual harassment or sexual assault experienced by Indian women in India whether they are Indian-born or foreign-born or that experienced by people of any other ethnicity. I do however feel the need to single out whiteness as a factor in targeting for certain types of sexual harassment and sexual assault in India. It is this uncomfortable issue that I want to address.

India has a sexual harassment problem. Big time. In particular lack of respect towards white female foreigners. This attitude stems from a variety of sources, but the vast majority of this comes from their misperception of white women as being loose as depicted in both Bollywood and Hollywood movies. When the occasional foreign woman herself flirts with a local, this supposed looseness is then ‘confirmed’ in their minds and thus all manner of inappropriate behavior is ‘justified.’ This supposition is likewise ‘confirmed’ by Western clothing also, which is scandalous by Indian standards. The assumption regarding  women who wear such things is that they must be sexually loose. Thus white women are the subject of numerous male Indian fantasies. That alone is not unusual. After all, how many straight white men have fantasies of “hot Asian women”? The problem however is that in India, because white women do not belong to Indian culture, they are not subject to its social norms or cultural rules. Their whiteness affords them certain privileges in India, but also excludes them from the social norms that protect (some) Indian women from these types of regular harassment. The same general respect that would be paid an Indian women is not necessarily afforded a white person. Even those such as myself who choose to dress ‘local’ by wearing modest Indian clothing continue to receive considerable sexual harassment. I have experienced this many times over and have myself minimized this phenomena by saying things such as “oh, I’ve been harassed like that in the US before.” or “It didn’t really bother me.” Both of which are true to an extent. There are only 2 or 3 times in the past 3 years of visits that I have actually felt offended and bothered by unwanted attention of that nature in India and I have certainly received catcalls or other unwanted attention in the US before.  But are catcalls really equivalent to having someone run their bike in front of you or the rickshaw you are riding in to make sure you see the hand gestures propositioning you as a prostitute? Is it equivalent to having someone try to touch or grab you on a bus or train? No, I say they aren’t equivalent, neither in degree nor in the social norms governing them.

I was with two white foreigners yesterday, one from England and one from Hungary. They had been traveling in India for two weeks. While discussing clothing, I mentioned preferring to dress local because it cuts down on the amount of sexual harassment I receive. The British girl remains silent but the Hungarian girl vehemently says they have never been sexually harassed in India. The British one counters that just the previous night a group of boys had called out vulgar propositions in English to them as they were walking home. The Hungarian one, surprised, replies that she had not noticed because she was busy flirting with someone else. I was surprised, but pleased to hear that they had not had any other problems. As it turns out, this was not true, but I wasn’t to find this out until later. 

The incident which inspired this essay was a rather uncomfortable rickshaw ride home from the city (Varanasi) back to Sarnath in the state of Uttar Pradesh, India. The ride was about 30 minutes long. Throughout this ride, the driver began a series of conversations, each of which would start out as appropriate (such as Bollywood movies or where we have visited in India or where I learned Hindi), but would gradually devolve to either him discussing his sex life, his intended sex life, or (more disturbing) our sex lives and/or marital status and us “appearing” in his dreams in a sexual manner. The majority of this was innuendo, but some of it was rather explicit. What can you do in this kind of situation? This guy was obviously not going to harm us physically. Neither I nor the others felt physically threatened by him in any way. We needed a ride home, it had grown dark (though it was only 7:30pm), we had bargained for  an acceptable (if overpriced) rate, and we were in a moving vehicle, so there was a degree to which we may have felt ‘trapped.’ But since there was so physical danger, I chose to set boundaries in the conversation. Whenever the conversations started reaching (or reached) inappropriate topics, I would reprimand him in Hindi. This unfortunately happened  about every 5 minutes or so.

I was reminded of the 12-hour Self Defense that that is taught at Thousand Waves. In the section on ‘relationship violence’ the ‘cycle of violence’ is illustrated. First there is the act of violence, which can be physical, emotional, etc. Then there is the attempt to apologize and make up for the act of violence, coupled with promises to never repeat said offense. Then there is the so-called ‘honeymoon’ period where everything is ok. This was the dynamic that governed the entirety of this ride. When the conversation would reach an inappropriate level, I would reprimand the driver in Hindi and he would apologize and mention some fault in himself and promise to stop. He would be quiet for a few minutes. Then talk about mundane topics, such as Bollywood movies, or travelling in India. Then the conversation would again intensify and would start to border on inappropriate. I would either reprimand him or politely ask him to change the subject and the cycle would continue. This was not the first nor is it likely the last time that I will be grateful for the boundary-setting techniques I’ve learned, practiced, and assisted in teaching through Thousand Waves.  Translating these techniques to a new language, in a new culture, however is something I am still relatively unpracticed at. I found myself performing the role of an offended Indian ‘Auntie’ (adult aged Indian woman) as I spoke to him in Hindi, realizing that this was the method that Indian women would likely use to handle this situation. Needless to say, I was quite grateful that I knew Hindi. Engaging in boundary-setting in Hindi adds extra authenticity to the performance. My hope was that a successful performance as an Indian Auntie would remind him that we are no so foreign and deserve the same respect afforded Indian women. We arrived safely, if a little shocked and shaken by his brazen speech. The girls later thanked me and admitted feeling very grateful that it had not been just the two of them in that rickshaw, and that I had known enough Hindi to handle the situation. It was while decompressing from this incident over dinner that the Hungarian girl admitted the following experience:

The two girls had been at a rest stop on a long bus ride either to or from Orccha (Madhya Pradesh). The Hungarian girl asks around for a toilet, but there seems to be none. A 16-year-old boy seemingly helpfully says “Come this way Madame,” leading her into the restaurant building upstairs. She thought she was being led to a toilet. Instead she was led to the roof where she was encouraged to pee in front of the boy who promised he would turn away. She was wearing pants, so of course this would involve her squatting and showing all of her private areas. She tells the boy to go away and he doesn’t. He replies that he’s seen all sorts before so it’s no big deal. His cards finally shown, she decides to leave the roof. He blocks her path and demands a kiss from her before allowing her to leave. Fortunately the story ends well. This was not a meek woman and so when confronted in this way, the Hungarian girl begins chewing the boy out, reprimanding him for treating foreigners so rudely and telling him off for not giving foreign women the same respect he would give an Indian woman. He appears quite quiet and chagrined after this. So she peacefully and safely leaves the roof and the situation.

It is important to point out the double standard in this scenario. This is not a scenario that would have (likely) happened with an Indian woman. A 16-year-old boy would not have tried this scam with an Indian woman, or he likely would have been beaten by someone. This Hungarian woman was singled out for her supposed sexual looseness, which was marked by her whiteness. When she reminds him that she is a woman that should be subject to the same respect as his own culture own demands he is embarrassed, not unlike our brazen rickshaw driver. What is remarkable is that the Hungarian woman hadn’t recalled this incident until we had the shared rickshaw incident. Though she had vehemently protested that she had not previously encountered any sexual harassment in India, this is clearly not the case. This was a clear case of sexual harassment, dangerously bordering on sexual assault. When asked why she hadn’t mentioned it earlier, she admitted that she must have blocked it from her memory. Understandable. But should these kinds of experiences be minimized and shrugged off as “no big deal”? I say no. There is no need, certainly, to make mountains out of molehills. After all, sexual harassment exists most everywhere. But more extreme instances such as the above two experiences, and many more that others have experienced are different in essence, and sexual harassment of white women in India should be addressed as a serious problem.  I choose not to go into details about my experiences being sexually harassed in India over the past three trips. Most of my experiences are hardly story-worthy. But the frequency of them is. It is one thing to be the recipient of cat-calls occasionally. That happens in the US and Europe as well. It is still inappropriate and needs to be addressed. But it is another thing altogether to be marked by your whiteness and singled out for sexual harassment on a regular basis. As when I lived in Jaipur, I now cover my head—not out of convention, for this is not a Muslim area—but out of an attempt to minimize the obviousness of the pale color of my hair and skin. In short, I try to hide my whiteness in order to avoid being singled out. But while this may help me and a few travelers who choose to dress locally, does this help the many thousands of other white females who visit India who wear 'appropriate' clothing but don't try to hide their whiteness? What about the double standard of clothing? When I walk down the street I often see Indian (and Tibetan) women wearing Western clothing less modest than me. But as I have indicated above, clearly, clothing is not the issue, nor should it be. This is a serious problem that should be addressed.

As I think more deeply about it, I wonder if this isn’t much like other kinds of ethnic- or sexual orientation-based profiling that many American minorities experience on a regular basis? Such as the harassment and threats that gays and lesbians often receive? Or phenomena such as “driving while black” or other racist presuppositions. Maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on Indian men for their treatment of white women. Perhaps the stereotyping of white women in India isn’t all that different from stereotyping or certain minorities in the US . Maybe all that differs is the details. But regardless, this lack of respect towards white women in India is highly problematic for a nation that aims to be developing. It is bad enough that touts will routinely follow westerners for blocks, trying to convince them to buy this or that thing or that rickshaws will often try to charge anywhere from double to five times the going rate. But if white foreign women are not afforded the basic minimal respect shown to most Indian women, then how can Indians expect female tourists and students to want to come to India to learn about Indian culture, let alone spend foreign tourist money in India? It is a problem that as a female scholar researching on India I feel compelled to address, though it is far from my topic of research. As a white foreign scholar I am an ambassador of sorts. I hope that through the remainder of these six months in India I have the opportunity to make a difference, no matter how small, in how foreign women are treated.

Introduction to "Traveling while female"

I created this blog as a public resource for female travelers concerned with issues of sexual harassment while traveling, in particular in South Asian countries. I was inspired to do so by a series of incidents that occurred a few days ago while I was (am) in  India for my dissertation research. These incidents are by far not the first nor are they the most traumatic of experiences that either I or other female travelers I know have faced. But despite this recurring issue, most female travelers, including myself, prefer to minimize their experiences, shrugging it off as "no big deal" or else trying to block more painful experiences from their memory. This is not meant to scare women-- this is intended to be a resource for women wanting to talk through and share their experiences. I believe fundamentally, that it is important for women to share these stories and talk through their experiences, no matter how large or small. Sexual harassment and sometimes sexual assault are realities, even while traveling, and there are too few resources available for women trying to cope with cross-cultural issues.
 
I should say that primarily I am a scholar and a teacher of South Asian languages, literature, history, and religions, based in the US. I am currently a PhD candidate at the University of Chicago’s Department of South Asian Languages and Civilizations. I speak Hindi and Tibetan, and read several more languages. My primary focus is on the history of translation in South Asia, particular the translation of Sanskrit texts into Tibetan, most of which are Buddhist texts of various genres. I am currently in India for my dissertation research and previously have stayed in India twice, each for about three months. I have traveled mostly in the Northern states including Delhi, Uttar Pradesh, Punjab, Jammu and Kashmir, Rajastan, and Himachal Pradesh. I have spent the most time in Delhi, Dharamsala, Jaipur, and Leh, Ladakh. I have also spent some time in Kathmandu, Nepal.  My experience with South Asian culture is based on my experiences living in India and traveling somewhat extensively, and based on numerous stories from fellow female travelers.
 
I should also add that in Chicago, I am a student of Seido karate at Thousand Waves Martial Arts and Self Defense Center NFP. I have taken several classes in their Violence Prevention (Self Defense) program and have recently started volunteering for their Violence Prevention program. I am working towards eventually becoming certified as a full teacher of Self Defense, but since I am in India for a while, that formal process will be a bit delayed. Though I would argue perhaps that I have used the skills and tools Thousand Waves has taught me more in India than I ever have in the US. I should add that I am fortunate enough to have never (yet) had to strike a person to defend myself physically. However the verbal tools we teach such as de-escalation and boundary-setting I have used regularly and certain body language-oriented tools, I have used often as well both domestically and while traveling.
 
The basics of our self-defense model we call the “Five Fingers of Self Defense”: (1) Think (2) Yell (3) Run (4) Fight (5) Tell.  A variety of handouts explaining this model are available for free as public resources here.   But in summary, we teach Self Defense based on the ethic of least harm. We want to give people a variety of tools so that they can choose the best (and hopefully least violent) way to defend themselves from either physical, emotional, or any other kinds of abuse or violence including sexual harassment, slander, bullying, manipulation, and so forth.  We also encourage people to be advocates for others and intervene on others’ behalf when they are unable to do so themselves. ‘Think’ is about evaluating one’s options, being aware of surroundings, taking the time to pause before responding. ‘Yell’ is not simply about making noise, it is about using one’s voice to control the situation either through boundary-setting or de-escalation. This is done both through tone and through particular choice of words. ‘Run’ can indicate either literally ‘running’ from a situation, or it can be more figurative, such as looking for ways to escape a situation, being aware of potential exit strategies, body positioning, etc. The only hard-and-fast rule we teach under ‘run’ is to never allow yourself to be taken from a more public location to a more private one.  ‘Fight’ refers to doing whatever is necessary physically to protect or defend yourself and others. This is what most people think of when they hear “Self Defense.” As you can see, it is only a part of the variety of tools we teach. And finally, there is the ‘Tell’ finger. The  ‘Tell’ finger is what this blog is about. It is about sharing experiences and talking with others. We believe that through talking about experiences no matter how large or small, some amount of healing can be achieved. Sometimes hearing these types of stories can inspire others to act to defend themselves and others. We believe that through discussing these issues, progress can be made on the ground to address the roots of these issues and stop the cycle of violence before it starts. As I said before, more information on Thousand Waves' approach to Violence Prevention is available on the link provided above, and it is better much phrased than I detail here.
 
I have created this blog to share my insights and experiences and hopefully to provide a place where others can share their insights and experiences.  For too long I think female travelers have either tried to forget or otherwise minimized their experiences. But pretending these things don’t happen won’t make them go away. If we want to deal with these issues and hope to prevent others from experiencing these situations, we have to be brave and discuss things that can be really quite uncomfortable. I invite all readers to participate and share their stories. If you have a story you would like to share, please send me a message or leave a comment.